Monday, February 06, 2006

SUPER BOWL XL, MORE LIKE M OR S
By John W. Schmeelk

As expected resident prehistoric blogmaster and Seahawks fan Zach Geballe posted a tremendous inside out review of this game. Here you'll see my short take and then some other observations.

On the game itself, the Seahawks did near everything they had to do to win this game. They stopped the Steelers running game with seven men. They forced Roethlesberger into mistakes and showed him to be the far from great quarterback he is. Shaun Alexander wasn't great but ran successfully, even if they didn’t run him enough. Matt Hasselback was efficient and only made one bad throw, and would have been better if not for a few dropped passes and penalties that called plays back.

But the Seahawks made awful mistakes at the worst times. They outplayed Pittsburgh all game but penalties and other mistakes stalled drive after drive and their defense allowed four big plays that cost them. Mike Holmgren coached an awful game, from clock management to not having his team ready for trick plays. All ten people I watched the game with knew Randle El was going to end up throwing the ball as soon as the first hand off took place on the play. Boulware took an awful angle on Parker’s long run, and the Seattle secondary gave up on the Roethlesberger scramble play allowing him to throw a duck across the field to get the ball inside the five.

Then the penalties, whether you agree with them or not destroyed the Seahawks. The Jackson pass interference call cost them a touchdown, which by the way he would have caught even without the push off. So did the Locklear hold that brought back Steven’s catch at the one. Hasselback’s cut block penalty on the interception return cost Seattle field position, and the hold on Warrick’s punt return did likewise. Then player’s mental errors, from Steven’s drops to Jackson’s inability to get his feet in.

Unfortunately in this game Seattle did far more to lose than Pittsburgh did to win.

Now for my SB observations:

- What an awful game – summarizes why parity is so awful. The Steelers might be the worst team to ever win a Super Bowl, spare the Patriots first title team. They need to do something about the salary cap.
- I can summarize the NFL’s plan for the entertainment portion of the Super Bowl in one line: “Hey – let’s just find the oldest possible living musicians and throw’em out there.”
- Who’s fatter Stevie Wonder or Arethra Franklin? I think the latter, especially I think she ate an unsuspecting Stevie when he came off stage before he performance.
- How many crash carts did they have ready during the Rolling Stones halftime show? And did you see that biology teacher trying to use Mic Jagger like a classroom skeleton to show the young people on the field where the femur was?
- And how much do you think they had to pay those kids to look excited watching the Stones perform? They wouldn’t know the Rolling Stones if they dropped dead in their kitchens. Which might just happen sometime soon by the way.
- Halftime was so bad we flipped around between “When Animals Attack 4” hosted by Lou Gossett and “Napolean Dynamite”.
- What was up with Tom Brady’s jacket when he did the coin toss. It looked like a reject from the Hugh Hefner smoking jacket collection. C’mon Tom.
- How about the Harrison Ford Super Bowl introduction – with some of the old MVP’s? Why not just have Barney sing it next time? The whole production was about as edgy as an episode of Full House with a “very special” ending.
- So is it fair to say we shouldn’t put Ben Roethlesberger in the Hall of Fame just yet? One of the worst performances for a winning quarterback in the history of the game.
- Another rough game for the referees. These guys can’t catch a break – whenever they called a penalty it seemed to bring back a big play.
- Joey Porter was right about Jeremy Stevens – he’s soft – but Porter was not great either. Make a play next time you’re gonna not shut-up the week before the game.
- Best commercials:
Ameriquest – killing the bugs with the paddles. Good stuff. Love the dark humor.
Career Builder – I maintain any commercials with monkey’s is top notch.
Fed-Ex – Was only average until the caveman got stepped on by the giant dinosaur.
Sprint Nextel – The Crime deterrent feature was hilarious and completely unexpected. The delivery was even better – the guy really wound up and nailed the other guy. Reminded me of dumb and dumber with the snowball in the face of the hot blond.
Michelob Light – The guy tackling the hot girl and then exclaiming, while looking down on her. “You were open, now you’re closed!”
Mastercard – The Mcguyver escape. You put Mcguyver in a commercial using various household items to blow something up – I’m onboard.

- Now the Worst:
BK original production with the dancing girls – What in God’s name was that? Even the King at the end couldn’t save this disaster. With the money they paid Brooke Burke to pop in at the end of this thing couldn’t they have superimposed the King into another football play? How could you possibly give up on that add campaign. What a DISGRACE! I’m never been so mad at a company before. Boycott Burger King!
Pepsi commercials – These were both SO BAD they aren’t even worth analyzing. Do they think just because P. Diddy, Jackie Chan and Jay Mohr are in a commercial it makes it good? Where is the creativity? Has Pepsi ever made a good commercial? Seriously – they had the one with the geese drinking the pepsi, the Pepsi machine as a wide receiver, and the one with the pepsi truck and they all were awful. I know the people responsible for these Pepsi adds over at BBDO – and they’re gonna get it when I see them on Tuesday at my basketball game.

- Overall the commercials were far better than the game. Now we get into the worst month in sports… February – how we hate thee.

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