Friday, March 31, 2006

Why Anna Benson's Decision Makes Sense for Everyone
By Bryan Koch

As you’ve certainly learned by now, Anna Benson has filed for divorce from her husband Kris. Some of you, certainly, are lamenting a love in shambles; more, however, are probably regretful that ESPN Hollywood won’t be around to bring us the latest.

So, that leaves the Sportszilla Gang to break this whole thing down, and in my humble opinion, this separation makes sense for both parties; yes, even Kris. Let’s explore the benefits for each chararacter...

Anna

1) Money. Given that Kris Benson is never likely to be offered a lucrative long-term contract after his current deal expires, now was the time to split the dividends. And however unethical you deem this, let’s not accuse Anna of lying about it: Hell, her nickname on the poker website she endorses is “Gold Digger.”

2) More press. More photo shoots. More spreads. And more guys drooling over you, because frankly, the only thing more appealing than a sexy, aggressive woman is a sexy, aggressive woman who’s single.

3) No sex with BJ Surhoff. Can you imagine if her proclamation on Howard Stern, that she would sleep with every Met if Kris were to cheat on her, carried over to Baltimore? What’s the over-under on how long Brian Roberts would have lasted? Two and a half seconds?

Kris

1) Unlimited girls. This is the first rule of classical female theory: if a famous one has been with you, they all want to be with you. It’s validating, or something.

2) Never has to talk to Anna Benson again. There are some things more valuable than money.

3) His career. Come on, haven’t you seen Bull Durham? No sex for a while means that Kris is in for a Cy Young Season. The PECOTA projections are already being revised.

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