Saturday, April 01, 2006

Hard-Hitting Analysis from Harold Reynolds and John Kruk
By Bryan Koch

(On Mariners Catcher Kenji Johjima)

Harold:

"The bottom line is... ... (astonished, bewildered tone) HE'S FROM JAPAN!"

Harold's... FROM AMERICA!

"I don't care about his ability. He just needs to communicate."

So... right now, I'm a better fit at catcher than Johjima? Because I've been putting compound sentences together for decades. Hell, I've even written clauses in the subjunctive. In English. Does this mean I'm a lock for five hundred at bats?

John:

"He needs to catch and receive the ball… especially from the young pitchers."

Understandable. Guys like Jamie Moyer are experienced enough to know that they need to hustle over to the backstop and retrieve their own pitches. But Felix Hernandez... he's going to want someone throwing the ball back. Johjima needs to understand that.

A final note from Harold:

"He speaks JAPANESE!"

(On why Jim Thome will be healthy this year)

John:

"Because I talked to him."

John Kruk, soothsayer? John Kruk, M.D.? John Kruk, Jesus? John, when you told Jim he was going to be healthy... did he bring up your prediction that Randy Johnson would win 30 games, or did he just politely excuse himself from the conversation?

(On whether the Phillies will win more or less than 88 games)

Harold:

"I think less... I think less... I don't like their club... they're not a good team... so I think less."

Harold thinks less.

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