Business Dinner By Zach

I don't usually write about my own life, but I figured I might break with tradition.

I headed down to SoHo for a book reading featuring two of the best sports books I've read in recent memory, Will Blythe's To Hate Like This Is To Be Happy Forever, and Sam Walker's Fantasyland. Both are fantastic books, well worth your time and money. But that wasn't really the point of this post.

Much of the time between and after readings I spent chatting with a couple of people you might know, Dan Shanoff of ESPN.com fame (the Daily Quickie, mostly) and Will Leitch, the man behind Deadspin. Both were awesome to me, and didn't treat me as any sort of inferior specimen (which I clearly am). We had a wide-ranging conversation about things like why Bill Simmons will have to start writing about NASCAR, why Will couldn't get on Cold Pizza, and where Roger Clemens will end up pitching this year (we agreed that the funniest scenario would be Boston, where he could choke away games against the Yankees just for fun).

The sports media is changing. People want more access, but they also want more personality. They don't want to read an objective recitation of facts, they want to hear a fan's take. That's what we try and provide here at Sportszilla, and it's certainly what Will and Dan provide.

Is There No Justice? By Zach

I was disappointed to learn today that the charges against Daunte Culpepper had been dismissed. Whatever happened to justice? To crime and punishment? This man apparently touched a stripper's ass...and as we all know, strippers have a strict "no-hands" policy. When the sanctity of a somewhat-attractive women's buttocks has been violated, well...I know my innocence is gone.

Fortunately, the judge denied Moe Williams' motion to dismiss. Williams was apparently even more egregious in his lust, touching the breast of a stripper. I think life in prison would send the appropriate message.

So then, you say, what should happen to Fred "Doubleheader" Smoot? Well, normally I'm completely against the death penalty. But clearly, it's appropriate here. While serial killers may destroy the lives of dozens, if not hundreds, it's not like they sexually pleasured young women with tools of the Devil (or at least Lover's Package). So please, Hennepin County District Judge Kevin Burke, throw the book at these miscreants. As Helen Lovejoy would say...won't someone please think of the children!

Smell the Dirt By Blogger

"Opening Day isn't just any day. It's... it's... it's the Day of Days!"
--Harold Reynolds (2004)

You gotta wake up and smell the dirt. Toss the ball and catch it a few times. Stroke the red stitches with your fingertips. Feel its weight. Yeah, it's just right. Grip that ball like you're gonna throw a circle change. Remember how it's supposed to come off your middle and ring fingers? Don't roll it off your pinkie. Ice your shoulder. Lace your spikes. Pull up your cuffs and show those socks. Pound your glove. Hit the bases with your left foot. Line up your knuckles. Adjust your helmet. Keep your hips loose, eyes on the ball, back elbow down, hands up, soft step into the pitch, hips hands throw the barrell, make the turn at full speed, find the ball, slide into second. Do you smell the dirt?

Opening Day doesn't represent hope. It doesn't represent rebirth in a troubled world where death and destruction are as common and present as breakfast and dinner. It is not a beginning. Rather, it is a goal. We made it from October to March, with only football, basketball, and perhaps friends and family, to help bridge the awful gap. Now, it's April. We smell Dodger Dogs, garlic fries, and dirt. Life may resume where we left off five and a half months ago.

This season, baseball will continue stories begun in years past. Again, Dontrelle kicks high and slings a fastball. Again, Vlad whips the lumber and trots the basepaths. Again, Nomar twitches (Is the groin bothering him?). Again, Papi smiles. Again, the sun shines, the lights come on, the rain comes down, and the Twins play in a hideous dome. Some stories will probably conclude this year. Clint Hurdle will ask one of his Rockies for one last pointless sacrifice bunt. Mike Lowell will ground weakly to short and know, somewhere in his bones, that wraparound shades, a windbreaker, and a spot on the bench is nigh. Of course, some stories will begin, and we will watch them unfold over the years. God knows how or when they'll start, or whom they'll involve.

Speaking of God, they say that if you want to make Her laugh, tell Her your plans. Very well. Come October, I plan to mock Atlantans again for not attending playoff games. The Tomahawk Chop is enough to warrant scorn, but failing to sell out playoff games runs afoul of basic conceptions of decency and justice. I plan to celebrate Milton Bradley after he rebuilds his reputation and vindicates Paul DePodesta; young Bradley should fit nicely into the Athletics' rich history of nurturing eccentrics to their full on-field potential. I plan to curse the Yankees even as I get goosebumps from the Stadium's red, white, and blue bunting. Come October, I plan to feel soiled and infected whenever Barry Bonds hits a home run, but cleansed with each Noah Lowry changeup. I plan to knit my brows at one of Tony LaRussa's counter-productive late inning maneuvers. Come October, I plan to point out Travis Hafner, Cleveland slugger and American League MVP, and gloat to my dad, "I told you so two years ago." I plan to yell at my television and slug the wall next to my radio.

Most important, during the next few months I plan to whisper, write, sigh, and laugh. Pleasure is no good without pain, and baseball provides heaps of both. Inevitably, one of my well intentioned, yet utterly oblivious, friends will ask how I can get so caught up in baseball. You gotta wake up and smell the dirt.

AL West Preview: 100% Real Team Mottos (not real mottos)! By Zach

Oakland Athletics: Suck It, Morgan!

What I Like: They have arguably the best rotation in baseball…Rich Harden, Dan Haren, and Joe Blanton form the best young trio of pitchers in the sport…Huston Street looks like he could be a rock of a closer of years…Milton Bradley was a nice addition to the outfield…the offense could be middle-of-the-pack, good enough with their pitching.

What I Don’t Like: Barry Zito could be traded mid-season…they overpaid a bit for Esteban Loaiza…Haren and Blanton are still young, and Haren struggled in the first half last year…the offense is still fairly weak…Eric Chavez is coming off his worst full season as a pro…Jason Kendall and Frank Thomas are huge injury risks…Nick Swisher and Dan Johnson are still unproven.

What Will Happen: The young pitching comes together, and the A’s return to the playoffs with perhaps the rotation to advance for the first time since 1990.

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: Fight the Man – Screw Anaheim!

What I Like: They have the best bullpen in baseball…starting rotation could be quite good…Colon is overrated, but Lackey is underrated, Weaver could have a good season, and Escobar was great when healthy…Ervin Santata could break through this year…The lineup is fairly solid…if healthy, Vlad Guerrero is one of the best players in baseball…Garrett Anderson remains a solid hitter…Chone Figgins provides a nice dose of versatiliy.

What I Don’t Like: Darin Erstad is washed up…Garrett Anderson could be too…Adam Kennedy and Orlando Cabrera provide no power up the middle…Casey Kotchman isn’t ready for prime-time…Colon could eat one or two of his teammates…Juan Rivera is a below-average DH.

What Will Happen: The Angels will have a decent season, but I see them taking a step back. Say 82-86 wins, and a fairly boring October.

Texas Rangers: Whither Chan Ho?

What I Like: The offense…they could lead baseball in runs scored…quite possibly have the best infield in the AL…Kevin Mench has had a huge spring…Brad Wilkerson was a great pick up…Rod Barajas provides decent power at catcher…Francisco Cordero is a nice closer.

What I Don’t Like: Their big offseason pick-up was a terrible match for the team: Kevin Millwood is a fly-ball pitcher at one of the best hitter’s parks in baseball…the rest of their rotation sucks (Vincente Padilla, Kameron Loe, R.A. Dickey, John Koronka)…Adam Eaton is hurt…the bullpen outside of Cordero is no good…they employ a guy who threw a chair at a fan.

What Will Happen: The same thing that always happens for Texas: they hit, don’t pitch and win 75 games.

Seattle Mariners: Incremental Improvement (we’re still gonna suck, but please buy tickets and overpriced beer).

What I Like: “King” Felix Hernandez is the best young player in baseball…Ichiro is still one of the best players in baseball…Richie Sexson had a huge year last year…Adrian Beltre can’t be as bad as he was last year…Yuniesky Betancourt is a fantastic defensive shortstop…Kenji Johjima was fantastic in Japan…they turned Matt Thornton into someone not terrible…the bullpen should be strong.

What I Don’t Like: Jamie Moyer is 43…Joel Pineiro and Gil Meche suck balls…Jarrod Washburn is mediocre and vastly overpaid…they paid $3.5 million for the decaying, dinosaur-disbelieving carcass of Carl Everett…also signed a guy who used horse steroids (Matt Lawton)…Willie Bloomquist will get starts…Mike Hargrove sucks as a manager.

What Will Happen: They’ll win more than 69 games, but will still be out of the race by June at the latest. King Felix will have a great year, Ichiro and Beltre will bounce back, but it won’t matter. I’ll start talking about the Seahawks by the end of April (NFL Draft).