Holiday Fun By Zach

As a Jew, the two most boring days of the year are Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Christmas Eve is clearly the worst: everything closes before I even get up, it seems, and basically all I can do is sit around and wait to fall asleep. At least on Christmas Day, there's some sports on the TV. Speaking of which, I've always wondered why Christmas Day is so synonamous with sports (especially basketball and college football). I mean, it's really supposed to be about the Birth of Santa Claus, right(obligatory Simpsons reference...I mean, have you seen the title of this blog)?

Hey, cheer up...it's your birthday!

So why do so many of you non-Jews have to distract yourselves from prayer and fasting to watch some sweaty guys play ball? I need it, because I ain't got shit else to do, but you guys have families and stuff to spend time with. Seriously, it's just like football on Thanksgiving. I almost never watch, because Thanksgiving is about celebrating our bloodthirsty ancestors slaughtering millions of innocent natives, not watching fat guys in tight pants push each other around. Also, the games always suck. Like this year: Dallas v. Chicago, and Detroit v. Indy. Nothing like a matchup of two quarterbacks who I have yet to be convinced are better than me, and a matchup of the league's worst defense against the league's best passing game. Well, at least the unfair aspect is in the Thanksgiving spirit.

So that brings us to Christmas. As an avid basketball fan, I have to say I'm excited about the prospect of the days' games (Pistons-Pacers, Heat-Lakers) bringing not one, but two brawls. Also, maybe Shaq will get away with an offensive foul and then slam dunk the ball, which when you are 7'1" shouldn't be that tough, but anyone who saw him last year, when he weighed approximately as much as Mercury might disagree. So here's to the birth of our lord, and may all your Christmases be less boring than my December 25ths.