Monday, February 28, 2005

Damn you EA Sports
By Zach

Look, don't be misled by the title. I love EA, and many of their products. I've spent many an hour playing the fine football, basketball, hockey, and even baseball products they bring to stores every year. But I must vent my frustrations with how EA has stolen my roommate away.

It bgean innocently enough this fall. Mr. Valentine and I moved in together, and one of our first installations was my beloved XBox. Included in said XBox were such fine games as Madden 2004 and NCAA Football 2004. Ben was quickly enamored with both, playing a game or two with me on a not-infrequent basis.

Soon, I saw the signs of addiction, controller left on his bed, the XBox hot to the touch when I came home, instruction manuals scattered about like so many Duane Reade bags...I began to worry. When Ben had a 20-page paper due and instead played an entire NCAA season, I knew things were serious. Soon, Ben was singing fight songs in the shower and discussing at great length the joys of beating Ohio State.

Then, the worst news of all came. He had somehow talked his parents into buying him a PS2 for his birthday...and he'd be buying newer versions of the football games. Horrificly, the games would allow him to import draft classes from NCAA to Madden...driving the obsession to an even more sickening level.

So now it's gotten to the point where Ben spends hours upon hours updating rosters in NCAA. He goes days without leaving the room. He routinely tries to get me to debate the merits of some virtual prospect he wants at the University of Miami.

So I say DAMN YOU EA! You've stolen my roommate from me! And I'll never forgive you.


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