Thursday, December 22, 2005

Sportszilla's 2005 Recap: Chatroom Style
By Zach

So Tuesday night Ben, T-Bone, David and I sat down at our respective computers to discuss the year that was in the world of sports. We were joined early on by my co-host (and roommate) Lance Medow and occasional contributor John Schmeelk. In it, we discussed baseball, football, basketball, college sports, golf, racing, Lance Armstrong, why men don't watch ice skating, the World Cup and the Antarctic soccer team, assigning fantasy points for motocycle stunts, the funniest stories of the year, and much more. The full transcript is 25 pages after extensive editing, and can be found right here. However, since most of you are lazy bastards, I'm excerpting some of the best material for you.

Zach: Baseball implemented stricter steroid testing, and caught themselves an over 40, Viagra-endorsing mustachioed criminal. And yes, I really wanted to type mustachioed
T-BONE: So sad, people used to like Palmeiro.
David: here's my thing about the steroid policy: it’s not transparent.
Zach: but neither is any other testing system in any other sport. I mean, football just randomly announces suspensions. None of this is put before the public
David: I mean by the bar that the NFL has set. The NFL at least states which specific substances are banned and publishes that list, if I recall. It blesses certain substances.
Zach: Well clearly baseball was way behind the curve. The NFL also puts its logo on supplements players can buy.
T-BONE: It's going to take time for MLB to catch up, it can't be all done overnight.
Zach: MLB needs to do a much better job of educating players, but baseball wanted to ignore this issue as long as they could. They didn't want the home runs to stop.
T-BONE: Of course not. But then the government gets involved. The hearings were a joke. They proved absolutely nothing.
Zach: Maybe Raffy meant to point his finger at himself.
David: Well, the other side of it is that, from what I've read, there's really no way to tell the efficacy of the NFL system. In fact, it's likely players are ahead of authorities
Zach: I'm sure the NFL is full of steroid users, but the truth is, the general public has faith in the system.
Ben: HGH isn’t even really testable from what I've heard
David: MLB's problem is that they APPEAR to suck at it.
Zach: All that they care about is public perception. They know they can't prevent doping, but they can make it seem like they are
Ben: So as long as they get they're group of borderline major leaguers testing positive to show the system is working, they're happy.
T-BONE: Exactly.
David: But the mainstream media isn’t happy until a big star in his prime goes down. That would indicate the system works

Zach: David Stern imposed a dress code before the season.
Ben: When are we getting to the World Cup?
Zach: Patience. It's coming.
Ben: Lance is getting ready to run for the hills.
T-BONE: Not before getting his shots in first.
Lance: Soccer players in suits? Interesting.
Zach: As I was saying, David Stern imposed a dress code on the players...and despite all the hubbub, it's basically been a non-issue. Didn't we all get too worked up over this?
T-BONE: I think so.
Ben: Yeah, I played the race card, one of the few times I’ve actually used it.
David: Yet another little x on David Stern's wall. We should care if only because the union was crushed and people turned against them. It’s another example of whiny millionaires.
Zach: I think the fact is that the players realized that it was probably in their best interest to follow the rules
T-BONE: It doesn't affect the on court product, so why should we really care?
Ben: It’s a punchless rule which is designed to appease people who can't handle a certain aspect of society. Since I’m not a big fan of appeasing white suburbia, I’m against it.
T-BONE: Ben is surrounded by it.
David: Well, we may not want to sell out to The Man, but selling out pays the bills…and in this case, buys bigger mansions.
Zach: Which is good, because they had to buy lots of new clothes, so they need larger closets.
David: Without stipends!
Ben: Paul Shirley needs your help!
Ben: Yeah though since nobody actually sees the players I don’t know who’s making more money off this.
Zach: Armani is probably doing pretty well.
David: Rochester Big and Tall.
Lance: No, Men's Wearhouse, according to Desmond Mason.
T-BONE: Special made-to-measure suits.

Zach: So speaking of rookie QBs
David: Nooooooooooo!
Zach: Alex Smith might be the worst QB ever, while Kyle Orton is merely the worst WINNING QB ever
David: Dammit, Zach. I didn’t want to face it.
Zach: Suck it up man.
Ben: No, Ryan Leaf was worse
David: Was Ryan Leaf worse? Or did he LOOK worse?
Zach: Remember, there's a difference. Leaf was the #2 pick - lower expectations.
Ben: David, the odds are not good for him.
John: I can’t kill Alex Smith after only a handful of games. Did you see Eli Manning his first couple games last year? And he had a veteran offense around him.
T-BONE: You have to give Smith a decent team to work with. He doesn't have that right now.
Zach: Alex Smith is historically awful though, even if that 49er team belongs in the Pac-10.
Lance: He has nothing to work with.
David: There has only been one young QB who has performed as badly and recovered: Terry Bradshaw. That’s it. No one else.
John: Can’t bury him yet.
Ben: Ryan Leaf actually completed even less of his passes.
Zach: Yeah, but Leaf at least threw a touchdown.
David: Im convinced that smith's career ceiling is in Rodney Peete territory. Like they say, if it looks like Andre Ware, talks like Andre Ware, and walks like Andre Ware...
Ben: Well look at it this way: Smith’s completion % so far is 46.7. Eli Manning's last year was 48.2 %.
Zach: Yeah, but as I said, Eli threw a TD pass if I recall.
Ben: He did, but his team was LOADS better.
Zach: Oh, sure.
John: He also had Shockey/Toomer/Tiki.
Zach: Smith might have reasons why he's struggled, but the fact is, he's putting together an historically awful season.
Ben: Rating-wise. It’s just because he hasn’t thrown a TD.
David: He should never have started.
Ben: Smith shouldn’t have started, and should be benched, except now the Niners have a shot at the #1 pick.
David: It’s more than that, though. There are bigger issues with Smith. Do you realize that he's only played organized football for five or six years? And that he's never been in a true passing offense. Because he handed off to Reggie Bush in high school.
Zach: Hey, maybe he can hand off to Bush next year too!
T-BONE: He's always been in the shotgun.
David: And ran a gimmick offense in college.
T-BONE: Smith has to get his experience at some point in time.
Ben: Sign of a QB who needed to learn.
Zach: Or that he doesn't have much of an arm.
Lance: They'd be better off starting Cody Pickett.
John: Not Cody Pickett, Dorsey is better.
Zach: Ben loves hearing that.
Ben: Ken Dorsey baby!
Lance: John the guy has rodeo experience, you find me another guy like that.
David: Dorsey is better now.

Zach: Last hockey question. Do any of you actually get the Outdoor Life Network?
David: Hahahaha. I have to. I wouldn’t miss the Tour de France for anything. Or the Giro d'Italia, for that matter.
Ben: I don’t have cable at all
Lance: Wait maybe people recognize it better as OLN.
John: O-L what?
Lance: Or the station that promoted Lance Armstrong's seventy million bracelets.
Zach: Moving along.
David: Seriously, though, Comcast owns OLN and is using hockey as a way to gain more mainstream sports viewership.
Lance: Yeah it's a dirty sport.

So there you go: I guarantee you that there's plenty more goodness inside, so read it already!.


Blogger Todd said...

Wish I had been there. For the record, Alex Smith is bad.

10:05 PM  

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