Thursday, January 12, 2006

NFL Hot 100 Charts
By Zach

Editor's Note: Originally posted on NFL Spam.

So I've been stumped trying to write something about the NFL playoffs. I decided I would wait until the Seahawks actually played before boring you all with more talk about how great Lofa Tatupu is, and I didn't feel like writing another NFC Report. Plus, Todd over at NFL Spam asked me to write someting about the NFL for his blog. If you haven't been over there, check it out, it's plenty of fun. It also gave me the following idea: if the remaining eight teams in the playoffs were bads on the Billboard Hot 100 lists, who might they be? Let me know what you think.

Washington Redskins/Notorious B.I.G: I mean, talk about coming back from the dead. Stuck at 5-6 (or in a grave), they still managed to battle their way back to relevance. Of course, they needed plenty of help (Nelly, Jagged Edge, Edell Sheppard) to get to where they are, but it doesn’t diminish the accomplishment. Both used to be considered among the all-time greats, but years of irrelevance had people forgetting. Not anymore.

Seattle Seahawks/Weezer: They’ve been good for a long time (or at least a few years). They're really not much better than they were a while ago, and while there's a perception that they're a one-man show, the supporting cast is really what makes them good. Plus, they’re clearly second best on the list.

Chicago Bears/Fall Out Boy: At first glance, almost everybody thought they were just another also-ran, perhaps a little more interesting than your run of the mill emo boys, but nothing more. As the season wore on, and as people started hearing more songs, that perception changed. They're damn good. Still, it’s hard to make it too the top when something keeps holding you back.

Carolina Panthers/Gorillaz: Horribly schizophrenic. They can utterly blow you away with their ability sometimes, but they have a bad tendency to fill part of their season/album with disappointments (Losing at home to Tampa Bay, almost the entire second half of their first album). Plus, you can’t shake the feeling that they’re too new to deserve the honor as much as some of the others.

Pittsburgh Steelers/Mariah Carey: They’ve both been around for ever, and if you don’t look too closely they still look as good as ever. But then you remember it’s been 10 years since they actually did anything meaningful, and even that was nothing spectacular. Plus, they’ve got a bad habit of going away from what they do well (does anyone remember Glitter/Tommy Maddox throwing 519 passses? Yeah, thought not?).

New England/Ashlee Simpson: A year ago, she was on top of the world. Heading into this year, expectations were high, even though some people had their doubts. Then, the roof fell in. They got caught trying to fake it, and the public backlash was immediate. All of a sudden, they were persona non grata. Then some time passed, people forgot about the gaping flaws, and all of sudden everything’s fine. Am I the only one who thinks there are still some unresolved issues?

Indianapolis/Kanye West: They hit so long ago that we’ve all forgotten exactly how good they really are. Remember, for most of this last year everyone was talking about them as almost unstoppable, no flashes-in-the-pan can change that fact. Still, there are a few minor issues (pass defense, pink shirts) that might get in the way.

Denver Broncos/Pussycat Dolls: Everything looks impressive on the surface. Then you remember exactly who’s in the group. I mean, people are counting on Jake Plummer/Willa Ford to carry them places? They each had a chance once before and did just about nothing with it. As my co-writer David wrote in reference to Jake Plummer: “no matter how interesting her career prospects look after this hit, she's still Willa Ford.”


Anonymous Teresa said...

I was quite amused by this's quite an accomplishment for me to read sports-related material, but I've found myself actually paying attention this season. As a Redskins gal, I enjoyed the Biggie Smalls comparison. If I do recall correctly from an episode of Cribs, a newbie on the block painted the Last Supper composed of various deceased artists and Biggie was the Jesus figure. Perhaps this year will be the resurrection we've been (not-so-patiently) waiting for.

5:01 AM  
Blogger The Armchair Quarterback said...

Pretty good anologies. I hope the Pats unresolved issues lead to defeat this weekend. Another similarity between Ashlee Simpson and the Patriots is the amount of times I feel like throwing up while watching them.
I like the Weezer refrence also.

4:26 PM  
Blogger David Arnott said...

2 things about the Pussy Cat Dolls that I didn't know before a quick Google search just now... One, Willa Ford is the new lead singer, replacing a former member of Eden's Crush, exactly like Willa Ford replacing Brian Griese. Seriously. Two, apparently, the group has "a rock section" during their shows when they sing Foxy Lady and Whole Lotta Love. I will now slam my thumbs in the door.

3:14 AM  

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