Monday, January 02, 2006

What Would Reggie Do?
By Blogger

I watched the Bush Bowl in its entirety. Niners! Texans! It's an interconference battle! Where will Reggie Bush go? Find out next, on CBS! What strikes me about the hoopla, this hyperventilation and salivation over a player who has never been a full time load-carrier, is how ordinarily rational people, both college and NFL folk, suddenly get all woozy and swoon over Mr. Bush's dreaminess. Jonathan Chait of aptly compares these people to SNL's Super Fans (Da Bears!), pointing out how ridiculous it is that this year's USC team is already being called the best team of all time when it could reasonably be argued that last year's team was better. Let's also not forget that the 2003 Oklahoma Sooners were granted Greatest Ever status in some corners. And so were the 2001 Miami Hurricanes... Pattern, anyone? Pattern?

Well, I like to think I can appreciate Bush's talent and specialness without going too far overboard. I mean, as far as hype goes, just about everything I hear and read about Bush was applied to Michael Vick, and look where Vick is. Give Bush a couple seasons to adjust to the NFL and then we can start figuring out his place in football history.

On, then, to The Rest of the Column: Bulletin Style:

Bush Bowl

On the first play of the game, Vernand Morency takes a swing pass for a twelve yard gain. Bill Macatee claims Reggie Bush would have leaped over three 49ers and used the force to knock down two more on his way to a 65 yard touchdown reception.

Alex Smith: 1-2 for 1 yard passing at the end of the 1st quarter.

At 11:13 of the third quarter, Frank Gore takes a screen pass and ends up one yard short of the first down. Macatee describes how Bush would have slipped NyQuil into the Texans' Gatorade before the game, slowing down the defense so he could rush for 330 yards on ten carries.

Dom Capers always looks confused. So much so that sometime during the second quarter, my dad started contorting his face in attempts to replicate the confusion exactly. What do you think?


Brady Quinn's older sister is dating A.J. Hawk, linebacker for Ohio State. She wore a half-Quinn, half-Hawk jersey to the Fiesta Bowl. Very very very bad move. Looked terrible. I mean, couldn't she wear a Hawk jersey underneath a Quinn jersey? Or she could've worn Ohio St. wristbands with Hawk's number. I'm just sayin'...


My dad mentioned that he thinks Brady Quinn looks like Matthew Broderick. I think he looks more like Matthew Broderick and Brad from Real World San Diego had a love child.

National Championship

Lee Corso said that if he were an NFL general manager, he would take Vince Young ahead of Matt Leinart. Lee Corso is not an NFL general manager.

You heard it here first, in a Sportszilla Exclusive(!): This year's USC team would easily be able to beat the 1923 Notre Dame Fighting Irish. First of all, the Notre Dame defense never saw anything nearly as complex as the modern passing attack. And have you seen the size and speed advantage USC has?

Also, in a Sportszilla Exclusive(!): I was peering into my crystal ball, trying to retrieve the tea leaves I'd accidentally dropped in there, when a pigeon flew to my windowsill with a note attached to its leg. The note said that USC will beat Texas with only one touchdown. According to the Pigeon Prophecy, the Longhorns will score three safeties in the first half for a 6-0 lead, but then, with three minutes to go in the fourth quarter, Reggie Bush will burrow a thirty yard tunnel under the field, pop up in the end zone, and receive a pass for the go-ahead score. Mack Brown will argue that he was out of bounds, but after a three hour delay for surveying measurements, the review will show that Bush stayed inbounds the whole way. USC will win, 7-6.


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