Is There No Justice? By Zach

I was disappointed to learn today that the charges against Daunte Culpepper had been dismissed. Whatever happened to justice? To crime and punishment? This man apparently touched a stripper's ass...and as we all know, strippers have a strict "no-hands" policy. When the sanctity of a somewhat-attractive women's buttocks has been violated, well...I know my innocence is gone.

Fortunately, the judge denied Moe Williams' motion to dismiss. Williams was apparently even more egregious in his lust, touching the breast of a stripper. I think life in prison would send the appropriate message.

So then, you say, what should happen to Fred "Doubleheader" Smoot? Well, normally I'm completely against the death penalty. But clearly, it's appropriate here. While serial killers may destroy the lives of dozens, if not hundreds, it's not like they sexually pleasured young women with tools of the Devil (or at least Lover's Package). So please, Hennepin County District Judge Kevin Burke, throw the book at these miscreants. As Helen Lovejoy would say...won't someone please think of the children!