Friday, April 28, 2006

Parting Shots: Gotta Love Gilbert Arenas
By Blogger

I woke up this morning, showered, trudged into the living room, and flipped on the TV. It was on ESPN2, which means it was on Cold Pizza, which means that, normally, I'd run for the hills. However, as it flickered on, Dana Jacobson was introducing an interview with Gilbert Arenas. It was mostly dry, until they began a "finish the sentence" bit. Paraphrased:

Jacobson: "I wear number 0 because..."

Arenas: "Because that's the number of minutes the critics said I'd play at Arizona."

Jacobson: "Back when I was a free agent, I chose Washington over the LA Clippers because..."

Arenas: "Because that's what the coin said when I flipped it."

Jacobson: "You literally flipped a coin?"

Arenas: "Yeah. Totally."

Jacobson: "Okaaaaaay... You're known as a bit of a prankster. Tell us about the last prank you pulled."

Arenas: "Aw, come on, I don't think I should..."

Jacobson: "You've gotta have something."

Arenas: "Okay, okay. The other week, one of my teammates dropped $8,000 on new rims for his brand new car. So, I went out in the parking lot and took the rims, and then put his car on bricks."

Jacobson: (Horrified, shocked, slack jawed.)

Arenas: "That look on your face right now was the look on his face when he came out to his car."

At that, Jacobson threw it to Ahmad Rashad, who stared at the camera for five seconds before saying anything. He then threw it to some ESPN Hollywood castoff, and I commenced my run for the hills.


Parting Shots

* We all wondered when it would happen, especially without the NHL, but ESPN has finally started broadcasting people playing Madden and tried to pass it off as entertainment for us. I watched the stirring Antonio Gates vs. Santana Moss matchup, and it was exactly as exciting as watching other people play Madden in your living room. Moss didn't even remove his bluetooth phone earpiece.

* Brandon Haw admitted he edits his playbook into the game and practices with it.

* We know it's coming: when the Lakers win the next two games at home, lose at Phoenix, and then come home for Game Six, up three games to two, Kobe will unleash the Mamba, drop sixty on the Suns, and Steve Nash will come out of the game with three minutes to go, his team down thirty, as chants of MVP! MVP! MVP! rain down.

* How much will the Knicks give up for Kenyon Martin and his four year contract (ACLs not included)?

* Anyone who says the 49ers will pick Vernon Davis is missing the big picture. The Niners offense might not be the worst in the league next year, even without any further changes. Alex Smith can't be worse. A full season of Frank Gore will be significantly better than Kevan Barlow. Larry Allen will be on the line. And Eric Johnson will be back. In case you don't remember, he's the tight end who missed all of last season with a foot injury, and who had 82 receptions the year before. If D'Brickashaw isn't there, they'll go defense with the sixth pick. AJ Hawk, or Michael Huff.

* Other projections have the Carolina Panthers taking LenDale White. Even if he's there, I still get the feeling the Panthers would address other needs. White has been flaky enough that they might prefer staying with their second round pick last year, Eric Shelton, who missed all of last year with an injury, and who, before that injury, was legitmately considered for the starting job.

* How crazy is it that a thirteen year old, Dakoda Dowd, played an LPGA tournament? It's been said before, but it bears repeating: there are thirteen year olds in the LPGA, fifteen year olds in the WTA, and eighteen year olds in the NHL and baseball's minor leagues... but people only seem to get pissed at the guys who go straight from high school to the NBA.


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