Thursday, April 13, 2006

Bigotosaurus Wrecks
By Zach

There are many reasons to hate a player. He could be a member of your archrival, or the author of your favorite team's undoing. Perhaps he's just an unsavory character, or a cheater, or a criminal. But the worst kind of hated player is the one on your own squad, the bum who despite wearing your sacred duds can't seem to live up to lofty tradition. Maybe he came up with the team and remains entrenched despite minimal contributions because he's "scrappy," or "a leader." Or maybe he was acquired via trade or free agency. He could have cost your team a talented youngster, or money and a roster spot that could have gone to someone decent.

And then there's Carl Everett. Let's sum up what we knew about him heading into this offseason. The man hates gays, doesn't believe in dinosaurs because they're not mentioned in the Bible (as David said, "I don't believe in Carl Everett," and with good reason, he's not mentioned in the Bible either), and probably abused his children. Check his Wikipedia entry. This earned him the nickname above, the "Bigetosaurus Wrecks."

Still, I could excuse it all if he were a good hitter (I suffer few illusions about the human qualities of athletes). Sadly, he's not, at least not any more. Last season, he hit .251/.311/.435 with 23 home runs. Everett's OPS+ (basically his OPS compared to the league average, where 100 is equal to league average, below 100 is worse, and over 100 is better) was 94. The year before, 85. Plus, he's gonna turn 35 this season. There's exactly no reason to expect him to improve, or even match those numbers.

That's bad, is it not? What's worse is, the Mariners are paying him $3.5 million dollars to produce at a below-replacement level. Now, if he were playing a premium defensive position, and were a good defender, that would be one thing. Stick his numbers in center field and he's not so bad. But the worst thing is, Everett is (at least for now), the team's everyday DH. This is a baseball team which employed the best DH in baseball history for years (Edgar Martinez), and even last year were solid there (with Raul Ibanez). Now? It's a gaping hole in the lineup. The sad thing is, for $3.5 million, they could have gotten any number of superior hitters.

So what do we have here: an aging hitter who's no better than your average major leaguer, being paid a decent sum of money to hit the ball. Plus, he's a jerk, a fundamentalist, and an abusive parent. But since he won a World Series ring with the White Sox (or, more accurately, they won in spite of him), he's got "winning experience." That "winning experience" is a career .235/.274/.235 hitter in the postseason.

And so far, that "winning experience" is hitting .100. Goddamn, I hate Carl Everett.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The word is "BigOt".

2:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

uhh, carl never played for the jays

2:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, it's "bigot." The O isn't capitalized.

3:36 PM  
Blogger Buda said...

OPS+ includes park factors so his should be an accurate reflection of his offensive value relative to league average.

3:38 PM  
Blogger The Armchair Quarterback said...

If the ABC series "Lost" was real life (and in my fantasy land it could be) and Carl Everett was one of the those stranded, the other surviors would have tied him up and fed him to the sharks by now.

3:43 PM  
Blogger UnknownColumn said...

Have you ever seen a dinosaur yourself? I didn't think so.

3:46 PM  
Blogger Zachary Geballe said...

Well, the title of the post was supposed to be a joke about him not being able to spell, but then I took it out and forgot to change the post...and as for OPS+, whoops, and him playing in Toronto, I knew he played in Canada (damn Expos) has been changed to reflect it.

Meanwhile, I have seen a dinosaur...just not a living one. But I also haven't seen giant serpents, or some one resurrected...

3:51 PM  
Anonymous moira said...

It's so embarrassing that Carl is our D"H" that actually doesn't "H".
Your point about Edgar is right on. When people ask me how I feel about the DH, I go "well I'm a Mariners fan, so, you know, obviously I like the DH..." and they totally get it. Everett is ruing that.

4:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am no fan of Carl, but calling him a child abuser is libelous. First, he was charged with child abuse for his failure to prevent his wife from using excessive corporal punishment. Second, he was never convicted of these charges.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Zachary Geballe said...

The circumstances surrounding the dismissal of charges was highly contentious...if you want a fuller investigation, search the USS Mariner archives. He also got suspended 10 games for bumping into an umpire, and he gave the finger to Jamie Moyer (yet another reason to hate him).

Plenty of guilty guys (especially rich ones) get off...I'm not saying Everett was guilty, just that there's a broad pattern of behavior that suggests that Carl Everett is a world-class jerk. Why you'd want to defend him is beyond me.

4:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Also libelous is calling Carl Everett a gay-hater. He said he wouldn't want to play with a homosexual, that he believes homosexuality is wrong, and he doesn't believe in gay marriage. What is malicious about those statements, or qualifies them as "hate?" I know, I know, he reads the Bible, so he must be stupid.

5:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not saying Everett was guilty
Um, yes you are. You called him a child abuser twice.

The guy has been suspended a few times, therefore it does not matter whether he actually is guilty of child abuse, a highly charged accusation? Wonderful logic. I am defending him because he is innocent of your charge and no matter how loathsome he is, he should not be gratuitously libeled. (Besides, he coined the nickname "Curly Haired Boyfriend."

5:20 PM  

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